I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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