He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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