I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize