True but thats because hes a fetus.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Randomize
