i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
