He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize