How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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