My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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