i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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