I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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