I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
