9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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