Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
