Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
