i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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