this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
