call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
