I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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