my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize