Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't put those talents on a resume
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
