she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I just put wine in my tea
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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