We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have post one night stand depression
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