Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You're so nebulous sometimes
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize