I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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