i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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