my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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