I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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