we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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