I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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