you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
