You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
