True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can't special order awesome
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
