I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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