my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
