I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
