He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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