I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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