real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
