i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
