vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
