East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
