He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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