Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
