Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
