I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
