oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
