Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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