Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
