New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize