I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
