I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
