Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
