Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
