He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize