you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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