Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
