the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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