Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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