I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
