Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
