You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
