Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
