I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize