***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do vagina's smell?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
