my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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