I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need a beard to bite.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
