also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
