Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
