sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
