you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
