he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dick very happy bro
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
