The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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