So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
