idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
