she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize