Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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