Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
