im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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