we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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