I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
