Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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