Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
