I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
