dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All the doctor said was why
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
