every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
