good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
