before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
