he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
