All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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