Sponge bath it is.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
