maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
