if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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