we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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