We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
