hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
