I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
did you just send me my own nude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
