I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He felt like a one man threesome
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
