I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
pray to the hookup gods
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
