I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
