Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
