I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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