he was CRYING into my vagina
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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