In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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